When I landed in Singapore, I had a migraine. On the flight from Singapore to Bali, a flight attendant got me some Paracetamol (Tylenol in America), and by the time I landed in Bali, I felt fine. That evening the headache was back. In the middle of the night, I messaged a friend in the States, and she did some energy work on me, and I felt a lot better. Even with all that, I still had a headache, but I pushed through. Being a chronic pain sufferer, I'm used to doing that.
On Tuesday, mid-morning, I became light headed and nauseous. Tuesday afternoon by 4 pm, I was hooked up to an IV in a clinic, where I stayed for 6 hours. The diagnosis? Dengue Fever. WTF?!?! I was all prepared for Bali Belly, I bought a Grayl GEOpress water filter bottle, which is working great, but Dengue fever, I hadn't signed up for this.
Of course, the first thing I did when I got the diagnosis is get on my phone and Google it. Headache, check, eye pain, check, joint pain, check, nausea, check, fever, check, "However, serious problems can develop. These include dengue hemorrhagic fever...may cause death" What the F*&%? At that moment, I realized that I really didn't like the idea of dying alone on the other side of the world from my family and friends. I cried for a moment and then decided it was time to pull up my big girl pants, manage my energy, and calm myself down. I am not going to die in Bali.
It is now almost 11 am on Thursday, my fever broke last night. I have taken two showers since then, the second time even washing my hair. I am weak, and I can't let my head get lower than my heart or else that top of my head blows off. I can eat a little bit of food. They brought me rice crepes with banana slices in them for breakfast. They tasted divine! I was able to get both of them down. They also brought watermelon and the best bananas ever. Real bananas, not like we get in the States.
As I was lying on that gurney in a clinic in Ubud, Bali, I realized I had a choice to make, I could feel sorry for myself and feel even more miserable than I already was, or I could look for the lesson. I chose the latter.
I have control issues, and need to feel in control of what is going on, I also have a hard time asking for what I need. Both of these have been life long issues, and as I lay on that gurney, staring death in the face (not really), I knew that I had to ask for what I needed to feel better and I had no control over this virus. I had to take my pain meds, drink fluids, and eat, but other than that, there was nothing that I could do.
I have made a commitment to going with the flow, not needing to be in control, because that is all an illusion anyway. Like a caterpillar goes through metamorphosis, Dengue fever has turned my insides into goo, and on the other side I am going to come out a changed woman, stronger, and more in touch with what is meant to be.